Polygamy vs Polyamory: Understanding the Differences

When it comes to non-monogamous relationships, terms like polygamy and polyamory are often misunderstood.  In this article, we will delve into the distinctions between polygamy and polyamory and discuss the basic aspects of each relationship structure.

Polygamy

Polygamy is a marital arrangement where a person has multiple spouses simultaneously.  In many cultures, polygamy has been practiced for centuries, often within the context of religious or cultural traditions.  Polygamous relationships can take various forms, such as polygyny (one husband with multiple wives) or polyandry (one wife with multiple husbands).  

In my own experience, when a polygamous relationship is brought up in conversation, sex is one of the first subjects people talk about.  Most people ask questions about the intimate aspects of the relationship or sexual preferences.  Sex is not always paramount in a polygamous relationship.  It is important to know the basic differences in the “Poly Life” because you will come across this lifestyle at some point.  

We will discuss my views as well as some of my experiences with polygamy in a later blog post.

Understanding Legal Status of Polygamy

Polygamy, the practice of having multiple spouses, is illegal in all 50 states, there are still communities that practice polygamy under the radar.  The laws surrounding polygamy in the US vary from state to state. In some states, simply cohabitating with multiple partners can be considered polygamy, while in others, it is only illegal to obtain multiple marriage licenses.  This means a person can say they are married to more than one person, and/or live with more than one spouse (in the same household), and/or share finances, assets, and physical intimacy; and is only legally allowed to marry (obtain a marriage license) one person in all of the U.S.  Simply living with multiple spouses is illegal is some states.  The spouse C can not legally marry spouse A, if spouse A is legally married to spouse B.  If you find yourself considering a poly lifestyle, it would behoove you to educate yourself on the laws of the state you live in, as well as, the laws of the state your partners live in. 

Dynamics of Polygamy

Polygamous relationships can be complex. It can involve hierarchical structures and clear roles for each spouse. There can be multiple households, children, business ventures, and family structures, etc.  All polygamous relationships are structured different and some are free or structure and without many boundaries.  While some individuals may choose polygamy for religious reasons or family traditions, others may choose polygamy for financial benefits or because more hands are better than one.  

Just like in traditional relationships, individuals operating on a low vibrational frequency sometimes struggle with issues related to jealousy and unequal power dynamics within the relationship. Polygamy emphasizes open communication, honesty, and respect among all partners. 

Polyamory

Polyamory, on the other hand, is based on the principle of having multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the consent of all parties involved. Unlike polygamy, which is often associated with marriage and legal recognition, polyamorous relationships can vary in structure and may not necessarily involve formal commitments (like financial contracts).  Polyamory is as plain as it sounds, being on a relationship with more than one person and/or a threeway. You and I have an agreement that our relationship consists of you, me, and one or more other people, sexually.  The polyamorous relationship is the orgy that pops into the dirty-minded people when you bring up the word poly-anything.  Although not all polyamorous relationships are based on sex only, but that is the difference between the polyamorous and polygamous lifestyle.  The foundation of one is simply to have more than one sexual partner. 

Dynamics of Polyamory

Polyamory emphasizes open communication, honesty, and respect among all partners.  This is not always the case, but should be the goal.  Individuals practicing polyamory may engage in relationships of varying degrees of emotional intimacy and may form connections with multiple partners based on mutual consent and shared values.  I would rather have a polyamorous lover who is truthful and honest about his desires to be with more than one woman than a lover who chooses to have muliple sex partners without my knowledge.  I my opinion the latter is a person who cannnot be trusted.  

The dynamic I usually see in the case of polyamory is the man with multiple female sex partners.  The man in the situation is allowed to date and sleep with who he wants without necessarily having to get the approval of the other females he is in a relationship and intimate with.  The women, are not allowed to date other men nor have sex with other men.  Yes, the women agree to this arrangement.  Most times the women in the situation do not communicate nor have a friendly relationship, at the least.   

In fact, some are in a polyamorous relationship, but believe, or are being made to believe they are in a polygamous relationship. No different from the folks who are in a polyamoruos relationship, but believe believe or are being made to believe, their relationship is a traditional/monogomous relationship. The lines between them all can be thin overlap. I have experienced all of these senarios, in different ways. Most of you have too, you probably didnt know it at the time.

Key Differences

The primary distinction between polygamy and polyamory lies in the nature of the relationships. Polygamy typically involves formalized unions with multiple spouses, often within a specific cultural or religious framework, while polyamory focuses on fostering intimate connections with multiple partners based on mutual understanding and consent.  

Conclusion

In conclusion, both polygamy and polyamory represent alternative relationship structures that challenge traditional notions of monogamy. By understanding the differences between polygamy and polyamory, individuals can make informed choices about the kind of relationships that align with their values and beliefs. Ultimately, the key to successful non-monogamous relationships lies in open communication, mutual respect, and ethical behavior towards all partners involved.  If you so choose to explore or participate in this type of relationship or arrangement be sure to educate yourself and ask as many questions as you need to.  Lastly, personal boundaries and standards are important to uphold, just like in a healthy traditional relationship.  It is more important, in any relationship dynamic, for individuals to practice self-love and actively work on healing any past traumas and or relationship insecurites before getting invovled in any type of relationship.  

A relationship with one person can be challenging.  Adding people with different personalities, emotions, belief systems, up bringings, experiences, etc. as well as adding intimacy, soul ties, and a mulitude of possible challenges can cause unexpected and unforseen situations and outcomes.